Should I tell him? Can I trust him?
by Devil-may-care101
Summary: Set just after 3:03 Love Run Cold. After walking away, does Lindsay have any regrets about what she told Danny? Can Stella help her to sort out what she truly feels? Two parts
1. Chapter 1

_This is the first part of a two part story. It was only going to be a oneshot, but it was too long and i wanted some feedback about it before i started the next bit._

_Not really in keeping with the show and not connected to any of my other stories at all. Enjoy :)_

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything remotely CSI NY related other than my DVDs sniff_

* * *

Once Lindsay had walked around the corner, she collapsed against the wall. She had felt Danny's eyes on her as she walked away, and she tried hard not to stumble. She knew she'd hurt him, hell she'd hurt herself, but it was needed to be done.

But now she was fighting an internal battle. She knew that she couldn't be in a relationship with him until she'd solved all of her issues, but she also knew it was unfair to keep him in the dark. The poor guy had no idea what was going on, no idea why she couldn't be with him, yet he couldn't be sweeter, what with offering to help her, being there to support her.

Maybe she should just tell him.

But her logical part of her mind warned her against it. If he knew, if he knew what had happened, he'd know her most intimate secret. And Lindsay hadn't told anyone about it since she'd moved away from Montana.

She couldn't deny the chemistry between them, no matter how hard she tried to ignore it. Then, after the diamond heist, she knew she couldn't keep fighting. The feelings she was feeling, they scared her, she'd never felt anything like them before. And she could tell that Danny could be trusted, that she would be able to confide in him without him judging her. But still, she was wary about letting her walls down. She knew of his reputation - could she really lay her heart out on the line for him?

Running her fingers through her hair, she sighed, frustrated. Hauling herself off of the wall, she walked out of the precinct heading for her car. Every step she took, she was debating whether or not she should just tell him. The man deserved answers. But would she be able to give him them? So many questions, but no answers.

* * *

Once her shift was finally over, she headed back home. Sitting down on her sofa, she shifted, restless. The rest of the afternoon she had spent avoiding Danny, and most of the team knew it, although they didn't know why. They hadn't pressed her - she'd come to them if she needed to.

Now, as much as Lindsay was glad they hadn't tried to force information out of her that she wasn't ready to give, a small part of wished that they had pressed her. Maybe that way she'd be able to sort out what she truly felt about the whole thing.

Picking up her phone, she hesitated. She needed to talk to someone, but Danny was out of the question for now. Dialling the next number that came to mind, she waited until the other person picked up.

"Bonasera."

"Hi Stell. Are you still on shift?"

"No, I just finished up my paperwork so Mac let me have the rest of the night off. On call of course though." Stella's laugh immediately cheered Lindsay up.

"So what's up?"

Lindsay paused, but decided to go ahead with it anyway. "Erm, I was wondering if you wanted to come over. I'm having a bit of a dilemma, and I need some help."

Stella picked up on the uncertainty in Lindsay's voice, which intrigued her. Lindsay was always calm and she never let her emotions come through, so now, Stella was slightly worried about her friend. "Sure. I'll be about 20 minutes, depending on the traffic."

"Thanks Stell. I was going to order take-out, any preferences?"

"Chinese of course." Stella had heard the relief in Lindsay's voice and her curiosity increased. Whatever was bothering Lindsay must be quite important, otherwise she wouldn't have turned to someone else for help.

"Alright. See you in a bit."

"Bye."

Lindsay hung up, feeling slightly lighter than she had before. Picking up the phone once more, she dialled the number for her favourite Chinese in the city, conveniently located 3 blocks from her apartment. After ordering, she waited patiently for Stella to arrive.

* * *

True to her word, Stella arrived exactly 20 minutes later. Lindsay let her in, and after offering a drink, both women sat down on the sofa. Stella couldn't help but notice Lindsay's nervous energy - clearly she was unsure about where to start. Taking pity on her friend, Stella started the conversation.

"So, are you ok? You seem a bit nervous."

Lindsay blushed, looking down at her feet. "I did something really stupid Stell."

"Does it have something to do with Danny?"

Lindsay looked up, shocked. "How'd you know?"

Stella laughed. "Linds honey, after you two came back from the precinct, he looked a bit like an injured puppy. He barely spoke to anyone all afternoon, didn't laugh when Flack tripped over on his way in Mac's office and spent the rest of his shift in his office doing paperwork, which he hates doing."

A guilty look crossed Lindsay's face. "Oh."

"So what happened between you two that brought Danny down a peg?"

Lindsay blushed again, and her answer was mumbled in a voice barely higher than a whisper, so Stella had to ask her to repeat it.

"I stood him up."

Stella's eyes widened. "He asked you out? When did this happen? And why don't I know about it?" Her curiosity was barely disguised as excitement - she'd been rooting for the two to get together since Lindsay had started the year before.

"Erm…yeah. It was just after the Holly's case, you know, when I went undercover. I don't know why I didn't say anything…" Her voice trailed off.

"So why did you stand him up? You do like him right?"

Lindsay returned to looking at her feet. As much as she trusted Stella, she didn't want to tell her everything just yet, so she decided that for now, it was safer just to give a vague reason. The only person who knew about what happened in Montana was Mac, and she wanted to keep it that way for the foreseeable future. Well, she thought she did.

"That morning, I got a call from the prosecutors office in Bozeman. They want me to testify at a trial in a couple of months. And, it set me back a bit."

"How do you mean?"

Lindsay was silent for a moment, contemplating her answer. "The idea of returning to Bozeman brought back a lot of issues for me, and I didn't think it was fair on Danny to have to deal with them when he didn't have to."

"Did you tell him that?"

"No, I sort of gave him the 'its not you its me' line." With that, she buried her face in her cushion in embarrassment.

Stella could tell that Lindsay didn't want to talk about whatever had happened in Bozeman, so she stayed away from the topic, despite her own curiosity. Before she could ask any more questions, the doorbell rang, announcing the arrival of the takeout. Lindsay grabbed her purse from her coffee table and headed towards the door. After paying and thanking the delivery man, she took the food into her small kitchen, indicating that Stella should follow her.

Once the food had been dished out, the women returned to their positions on the sofa. By an unspoken agreement, they didn't talk anymore about Danny or Lindsay, instead talking about their cases - why the boyfriend had killed the ice princess, how the marathon runner had died, etc. They talked about Mac and Peyton, who were obviously trying to keep their relationship secret, but failing. They even talked about Sid and his bizarre stories that introduced some life in the world of the dead.

Eventually, talk drifted back to Danny. Lindsay was glad that she'd asked Stella to come over and talk - she would have tortured herself with what to do and even then probably wouldn't have decided a particular course of action. Stella was a good voice of reason, and since Lindsay had come to New York, they had become firm friends.

Which is why she trusted her to help her make a decision.

"So, you stood Danny up, what, last night? But you two seemed fine whilst you were working on the case, so why did he suddenly change?"

"He kinda cornered me after we wrapped up the case. And I had to tell him I couldn't be in a relationship with him. God, even thinking about it makes me cringe."

Stella patted her on the back comfortingly. "Maybe you should just tell him the truth. Maybe you should just tell him what you told me. Look, I know there is more to the story than you are letting on and that's fine. You can tell me whenever you're ready. He doesn't have to know the whole story. But just let him know at least part of the reason why you're holding back."

"But what if he doesn't understand?"

"Linds, trust me when I say that he will. He has had some difficult times too. And the fact he didn't run away when you stood him up, the fact that he hunted you down to find out why shows that he really wants there something between you. Look, I've known him a long time, and I've seen him go through lots of girls. But since he met you, he's been different. He hasn't been on as many dates, and he talks about you a lot. Besides, he looks at you differently to the way he looks at other girls, He's much more interested in getting to know you rather than what you're like in bed, although I'm sure he's thought of that too." Stella joked. "I think he'd be understanding if you were just willing to talk to him. Which might be a big step, especially if you haven't talked about what happened much. But it would be worth it."

She paused, letting Lindsay absorb what she'd said. The truth was, nobody really knew who the real Lindsay Monroe was. So she couldn't tell whether her words helped or not.

"Just give him a chance. And if he fluffs up, let me know and I'll beat him up." Both women started laughing, knowing that all the men in the lab were scared of Stella - she could be very scary when she wanted to be.

Lindsay sat in silence for a while, before making her decision. "Ok Stell. I'll talk to him. I think we both have tomorrow off so I'll go and see him then. Though I won't mention that you might beat him up. Might put him off coming to work for a while."

"And we can't have that, Mac would go mad."

Lindsay breathed a sigh of relief that she's decided to do something. Danny had offered his support, and now she was going to take him up on his offer.

* * *

_Good? Bad? I know this one had Stella in it, but it will become DL in the next chapter i swear XD_


	2. Chapter 2

_Here is part two. Thanks to all those who reviewed and alerted and what not_

_Disclaimer: i do not own anything, it all belongs to CBS or whoever actually does own it. I just borrow for entertainment purposes._

* * *

Nervously, she stood on the sidewalk outside his building, running through her mind what she would say to him. Wringing her hands together, she fought the urge to bolt, knowing that he deserved an explanation. As convincing as Stella had been back at her own place, she couldn't help but worry about what she was about to do. What if he doesn't want to know? What if I pushed him away too far? The questions swam around in Lindsay's head as she tried to summon the courage to go into the building. The logical side of her brain was saying _You'll never know if you don't go and talk to him. _

Before she could change her mind, she walked swiftly into the building, heading for the stairs, thinking that walking would give her time to plan what she was going to say. She hadn't talked about that day in years, thinking that avoiding it would mean it might never have happened. But now she knew she couldn't hide behind that front any longer. She had to tell Danny, needed to tell Danny. Even if they couldn't have a relationship, he was still her best friend. And best friends could always confide in each other.

Before she realised what was happening, she was outside his door. Looking at the worn green panelling, hand poised ready to knock, she hesitated. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't do this, couldn't tell him what was going on, couldn't let someone else in. But she needed to. She was torn, and she could make no more of a decision now than she could have done 8 hours earlier when her brain was working properly. What was she going to do? She was saved from making a decision by the door opening.

Danny stood there, looking extremely puzzled. "Lindsay?"

Lindsay looked back at him. She was Lindsay now. Not Montana anymore. Strangely enough, no matter how many times she'd told him off for calling her by her home state, she kinda missed it. Although it was used to tease her in the beginning, now it was a term on endearment.

Realising she was still stood in the same position as before, hand still ready to knock, she stepped back, cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "Hi. Erm…" She paused, unsure of what to say. "It's a bad time. I'll come back later. Chickening out, she turned slightly to head towards the door, before a hand gently took hold of her arm.

"No, its not a bad time. I was just coming to find you."

"You were?" Lindsay looked him in the eye, trying to determine if he was telling the truth.

"Sure. Come on."

With that, he gently led her into the apartment, Lindsay being certain that the only reason she hadn't run away was the hold he had on her arm. It wasn't hard, but the touch alone was enough to paralyse her mind, and she cursed her muscles for betraying her as she followed him in.

She stood awkwardly in the hall, still trying to recover from her earlier embarrassment. She could feel Danny's eyes on her, but she refused to meet them, sure she'd say something she'd regret later.

Danny could feel her reluctance, and although he was unsure why she was here, he was glad she was. He couldn't read her though, her emotions were on lock-down, and that made him nervous about what she had to say to him. Trying to make them both feel more at ease, he asked "You want a drink?"

Lindsay looked up then, thankful that he'd broken the tension that had previously graced the room. "Sure. You got any beer?"

Danny chuckled. That sounded more like the Montana he knew. "Sure. Feel free to make yourself comfortable. I'll be right back." He disappeared into what she assumed was the kitchen, and she wandered into the living room, noticing the motorbike and the pool table were taking pride of place. Spotting a couch on the far wall, she went to sit down, briefly pausing to look at the pictures he had scattered about the place. One in particular caught her attention - it was a photo of the two of the at the lab Christmas party a few months before. Both of them were smiling at the camera, Lindsay laughing at something Danny had said. Putting the photo down, she smiled - she had exactly the same photo back in her apartment.

Feeling her nerves overtake her again, she sat down on the couch before her legs gave out beneath her, and she leant forwards, resting her head in her hands. Why was she doing this? Why did she think she could handle it? Why had she let Stella talk her into this? She wasn't ready and she knew it.

* * *

Meanwhile, Danny stood in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, trying to figure out what was going on. Earlier on, Lindsay had brushed him off, and now she was here, in his apartment. What was he meant to do?

He grabbed two beers from the fridge and made his way into the living room, still trying to figure out what to say. He stopped dead when he saw Lindsay with her head in her hands, and he knew at once that he couldn't hold what she'd said earlier against her. She looked…broken.

He moved to sit next to her, fighting the urge to pull her into a hug. She looked up, and gratefully accepted the beer he handed her, before taking a huge gulp. Danny watched, amazed, as she continued to down the beer - clearly there was something that was really bothering her. He drank his own beer, trying not to stare but still taking glimpses from the corner of his eye.

She put her beer down and returned to her earlier position. Danny was now truly concerned. "You alright there Linds?"

Her answer came out muffled. "No."

Danny knew that Lindsay wasn't one for showing her emotions, and for her to admit there was something wrong in the first place meant her problem was a big one. He didn't want her to retreat into the shell she'd made for herself, so he was careful in choosing his next words.

"You wanna talk about it?"

Again her answered was muffled. "No."

Danny wasn't sure how to react to that, so was thinking about what to say next when Lindsay sat up and looked him straight in the eye. "I don't want to talk about it, but I need to talk about it."

Danny's curiosity was piqued. "Ok."

He could tell Lindsay was nervous because she began to ramble. "I mean, I haven't talked about it in years, and I really hate talking about it because of the looks of sympathy and pity I get from people, which I hate I might add. And I hate thinking about it because it means I have to imagine it all again and I hate doing that because it means I have to hear them die all over again and I can't deal with that But I have to talk about it and think about it because I have to get the bastard prosecuted for what he did, but I don't want to see the mothers again because I don't want to be told I don't deserve to be the only one and…

"Whoa, Montana, calm down." Danny interrupted her because he could see she was getting upset. He could tell from her use of expletives - she never swore. "Take a deep breath okay? I didn't catch a word of what you just said, and I get the feeling you don't want to be repeating things twice, so you're gonna have to slow down a bit, and start at the beginning."

Lindsay looked at him with wide eyes, amazed once again at how well he could read her, and realised he was right. She wasn't making any sense. If he knew what had happened, he'd have been able to figure it out. But he didn't know. So she'd have to tell him.

Taking a deep breath, she started again. "I'm sorry about earlier Danny. I meant what I said, I do like you a lot. And I know that I used the 'its not you its me' line, but honest to god it is me. I have to go back home to testify in a case from 10 years ago. I got the call this morning, and I really don't want to go because of all the memories."

"What memories?"

"The ones that made me leave Montana. You see, 10 years ago, I…I survived a crime. A crime where 3 of my friends died. And now they caught the guy that did it so I have to go back. To testify. As an eye-witness."

Chancing a glance at Danny, she tried to read his emotions. She thought she could see shock in his eyes, but she couldn't be sure. She waited for him to respond.

"What happened?" Danny's voice was calm, but inside, his thoughts were flying rapidly - she'd survived a crime. She could have died. She saw something no one should ever see, especially a teenage girl. But as shocked as he was, and as sorry he was that she'd had to experience that, he kept his emotions hidden - he knew she didn't want the pity, she'd said so herself not 10 minutes before.

Lindsay was glad that he hadn't tried to offer any sympathy. It would make the next bit so much easier. Because she had to continue now. "We were in a café back home. It was the night before we all left for our summer holidays, and we were just sitting there, talking. You know, like teenage girls do. And we'd been there for a couple of hours so it was getting quite late, but because of where we were, we thought it would be safe. Everyone knew everyone. Anyway, I got up and went into the restroom. And after I went in, someone came into the café. The next thing I know, there is a gunshot and lots of screaming coming from the next room."

Tears formed in her eyes and she had to swallow hard before carrying on. Danny grabbed hold of her hand and squeezed it as a silent show to support.

"Linds, if you don't wanna carry on…"

"No! I have to, I have to finish. Please." Her eyes pleaded with him, and as much as it pained him to see her hurting, he knew that she had to do this for herself.

Looking down at their hands, she carried on, in a smaller voice than before, still trying to hold back the tears and the images that were forming.

"I just stayed there until the last shot was fired and the screaming stopped. I was scared that he'd come through the door and find me, but he didn't. I heard the bell ring at the door again, and I went out, and I found my friends…they were all dead, and covered in blood and I almost passed out." By now the tears were flowing, and she didn't have the energy to hold them back any longer. "I called the police and then the rest is history. They were in the room, and I could hear them dying, and I did nothing. Nothing! I should have done something." She wept, not even resisting when Danny pulled her into a hug.

"There was nothing you could have done Linds. Nothing. If you'd have tried, he'd have killed you too." She just cried harder. "Sometimes the bravest thing to do is nothing."

"But they're dead because I didn't do anything.!"

"No, they're dead because a man with a shotgun came in and shot them all for no reason. This is not your fault. There was nothing you could have done…" His voice trailed off. He could see she was hurting, and it hurt him to realise that she was blaming herself.

"It hurts so much Danny. So fucking much."

"I know. I know it does." There was nothing else he could say to her. She didn't want the sympathy, so he just held her, and let her cry. She cried until there were no more tears left, but still, she held onto his shirt, just like she had done after the diamond heist. Like she needed a lifeline. Danny could now understand why she was reluctant to be in a relationship. She had never really dealt with what had happened, had never had any closure as they hadn't caught the guy until now.

After a while, she looked up at him, eyes bloodshot red, cheeks puffy, but yet she was no less beautiful. He smiled down at her, and she smiled back. She whispered to him, "I'm scared. I don't want to see the guy that did this. I had enough nightmares back then, I don't want them now I've finally left it all behind."

Stroking her hair, he nodded. "I know, I know you're scared. But you need to go back. I know you don't want to, but you need to. You can put this animal behind bars, so that he never hurts anyone else. You can get justice for you're friends. You can get yourself some piece of mind after all these years. Because God knows you deserve it."

"Thanks Dan."

"Don't worry about it Linds. I'm here for you, you know that. Don't be afraid to talk to me about something, anything."

"Montana. Not Linds."

He smirked at her, showing the famous Messer grin for the first time since the previous day. She shook her head, in pretend disgust, before leaning her head once again on his chest.

They sat there in companionable silence for a while, both of them enjoying the feeling of being next to each other. When Danny next looked down, he noticed the Lindsay had fallen asleep. Smiling softly, he picked her up gently before carrying her into his bedroom. He tucked her into his bed, smiling at how peaceful she looked and how adorable her curls were when spread all over the pillow.

Walking softly back to the door, so as not to wake her, he glanced back. "You'll be ok Lindsay Monroe. You're stronger than you know."

With that, he left the room and went to make up a bed on the couch. The last thought he had before he feel asleep was that he was glad she'd finally confided in him.

* * *

_So what did you think? Like, hate?_


End file.
